RETIREDThe Warped Pokémon Bedtime Story
by The Long Name Ending In Cookie
Summary: Kay, who wants some pure insanity? Well here it is! This is why you should never trust me to tell you a bedtime story... it's Goldilocks and the Three Bears the way you've nver seen it before: PinkScyther Style!


THE WARPED POKÈMON BEDTIME STORY  
By PinkScyther  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything at all in this warped fic, except for the very warped plot if you happen to find one.  
  
My sis, Charmander_in_Flames, was tired and she asked me to tell her a bedtime story. Being as warped, weird, wacko and crazy as I am, this is what I came up with. Enjoy!  
  
  
Once upon a time there lived three bears. Their names were Zozi, Banjo and Bob. They lived in a huge mansion in the middle of a forest.  
Anyway, one day they were making breakfast. But the Tubby-Toaster was playing up and spitting burnt bread everywhere. Then they realised that this model only toasted yellow smiley faces, so they went out to buy some at the 7-11.  
  
While they were out, Team Rocket's ballon crash landed right next to the mansion. Jessie, James and Meowth saw the house and thought that maybe there would be some rare Pokémon inside that they could steal while no-one was around. So they picked the lock and sneaked inside. Niles was there but they tied him up and stuck him in the oven.  
Inside, they found the burnt toast, and James and Meowth had a food fight. James fell over and smashed the chairs into matchsticks. Meowth used a piece as a toothpick.  
Then they went upstairs and Meowth started bouncing on the beds.  
"Quit it Meowth!" said Jessie. "We're supposed to be looking for rare Pokémon to steal!"   
They searched everywhere, but all they found was a few stray Kirby, and once James looked in a cupboard and found Mario fighting Link but that was it.  
  
Just then Ash, Brock, Misty and Pikachu came along. It had just started raining so they ran up to the mansion and knocked on the door. No-one answered but it just swung open.   
"Hello?" called Ash. "Anyone home?"  
They walked in and saw that the kitchen was trashed. They also saw two sets of boot prints and one set of paw prints leading up the stairs, so they followed them.   
  
Upstairs Jessie, James and Meowth were lying asleep on the beds. "It's Team Rocket!" cried Ash, Brock and Misty, waking them up.  
Instinctively Ash reached for his Pokéballs, and Jessie grabbed one of hers. "Arbok, go!" she cried.  
But Arbok didn't come out. Instead out came Homer Simpson, and he was eating donuts. James saw the donuts and tried to steal them. Homer and James got into a big fight and they were wrestling on the floor, when suddenly the floor collapsed. They fell through the floor and landed on the kitchen table which smashed to tiny useless matchstick sized pieces, then they smashed through the kitchen floor and landed in the mud under the house, so it became mud-wrestling.   
Upstairs everyone was standing around the edge of the hole. Jessie leaned over to look but fell in. Then Homer and James accidentally pulled out a power cord that for some reason was under the house, and the downstairs lights went out, leaving Jessie in darkness.  
She got her hair caught in the oven where Niles was roasting, and it burst into flames. Ash thought it was 'Night In The Haunted Tower' again and threw a Pokéball at what he thought was a fireball but was actually Jessie's flaming hair. Unfortunately, this time the ball snapped shut on her nose like a moustrap.  
"I'll save you, Jessie!" cried Meowth, who was suddenly wearing a Batman cape. He flew down into the hole and tried to pull the Pokéball off her nose.   
While he was down there, Psyduck suddenly came out of his Pokéball. He started singing 'What If God Was One Of Us'.   
"Get back in your Pokéball Psyduck!" yelled Misty, holding out the ball. But instead of returning Psyduck, the ball opened and ten million Yoshis came out. There were so many that the house burst.   
Then all Yoshis started to sing "Eeeee eeeeeh oooooh". The sound waves blew everyone to outer space, and they all landed in the MIR space station.  
  
The MIR space station had been taken over by Superted for use as a set in his cartoon. (A/N That's impossible really 'coz Superted finished before MIR was even built, but oh well.) He'd changed it so now it was shaped like his head.  
"What an ugly space station," said James.   
This made Superted mad. "I'll say my secret magic word!" he said, and unzipped his skin. But instead of having the Superted suit on underneath, he turned into Cartman. Unfortunately, Cartman was so fat that the space station fell back down to earth and landed on Kenny.  
"Oh my god! They killed Kenny!" cried Stan.  
"You bastards!" yelled Kyle. Then they both turned into aliens and disappeared.  
"Hey, now we can find out what Kenny really looks like!" said Brock. So they removed the stupid hood and discovered that it was actually Tracy! (A/N So it's a good thing he always dies! Actually, I know what Kenny REALLY looks like! Hahaha!)  
  
Suddenly everyone realised that Psyduck was missing. Ash, Brock, Misty and Pikachu ran off to look for him. Team Rocket ran off in the other direction.  
Jessie, James and Meowth found Psyduck, and decided to steal him because he was easy to steal. Suddenly along came Willy Wonka.  
"Put the duck down!"  
Jessie, James and Meowth looked at him blankly. "What duck?"  
"The one in your hands!"  
"That's not a duck, it's a Psyduck!"  
"What the hell's a Psyduck?" Willy Wonka was so confused that little Psyducks were flying around his head. Suddenly everyone grabbed giant ice-cream scoops and bashed each other to death.  
  
Meanwhile, Ash, Brock, Misty and Pikachu were on the other side of the world which happened to be Antarctica.  
They were all frozen in a block of ice, when suddenly along came the ugliest Digimon in the world. It let off the biggest fart in the world and somebody lit a match so the entire Antarctica melted. However Antarctica also blew up, so Ash, Brock, Misty and Pikachu were thrown back into outer space. This time they landed in a One-Ton Rodeo, and this voice from nowhere started singing 'One Ton Rodeo'.  
The One-Ton Rodeo drove them to the National Lampoon's house, where they were getting ready for their Christmas Vacation. Ash got stapled to the roof along with the Christmas lights, but nobody noticed. Brock, Misty and Pikachu got back in the One-Ton Rodeo, but it turned into a Pegasus and flew them back to the Three Bears' House.  
The Three Bears had just gotten home and blamed Brock, Misty and Pikachu for the destruction of their house. Brock wasn't listening because at that moment Sabrina the Teenage Witch came along. Brock did the melting face thing and Sabrina thought he was completely loopy so she flew away on a flying pizza.  
Then Team Rocket came along because they weren't really dead, and confessed to trashing the mansion, because they'd taken Honesty Pills.  
Suddenly, Psyduck came along, riding on the back of an Andalite and carrying Ash..  
Then even more suddenly, Kazooie came along. "Banjo! You left me for *sob* Zozi? WAAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAHAAAAAAA!!!!! *crying*"  
"Of course not Kazooie. I left you for Bob."  
"Oh, that's okay."  
"Hey!" yelled Misty, noticing that Togepi was missing. "Where's Togepi?!"  
"You only just noticed?" asked Pikachu in Pokémon language. "She's been missing the whole time!"  
Suddenly, Togepi came along, riding on the back of the author's pet stapler, Mr. Alligator. She was smoking a ten foot cigar and carrying two words on her back.  
"Sorry I'm late!" she squeaked in Poké language. "Mr. Alligator had to eat MiniMarrill. Now I've come to save you from this terrible adventure!"  
So saying, she propped the words up. They read:  
  
THE END.  
  
Unfortunately, she had propped them up on Brock, so they fell down and squashed everyone just as they were breathing a sigh of relief.  
  
But they still said THE END.  
  
  
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!  
Guess what? I do have a pet stapler named Mr. Alligator! See there he is, eating my pyjamas... EATING MY PYJAMAS!? Mr Alligator!   
Oh yeah, and I just HAD to do something to MiniMarrill. She wrote a fic, and I helped her make up this character, Mr. Spartacus. Well I created Mr Spartacus, and guess what? She put my name in one disclaimer, but then she says that he's HERS in another! But I sued her for plagiarism. She has no money but I took her Ancient Mew Card. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Sorry if anyone found any of this offensive. I didn't mean it! Except for the Digimon part! 


End file.
